Out out damn port!

I'll be getting my port removed on January 2. Bye, bye giant purple people eater!

Some kind of normalcy

It was very strange to look at my calendar for this week and see no medical appointments. Not one. Not only am I done at SCCA until January, I've also scaled back on physical therapy to every two or three weeks. It's a weird feeling when life has become one appointment to the next to suddenly not having any. I almost feel as though I've lost some part of my identity...I've gotten used to the attention. I think it must be a difficult switch from active treatment to follow up care. I'll find out this spring.

Yesterday the oncology nurse called me to talk about removing my port. She was giving me instructions, but then asked me if I was sure I wanted it removed. Uh, yeah. Why is this hard to understand? My oncologist told me I could keep it in for another year if I wanted. Why would I want to do that? Are they anticipating cancer coming back so quickly? Is there more chemotherapy in my future that I'm not aware of? Or, are they so used to little old ladies with horrible veins that they feel the need to try and talk all of their patients into keeping the port? Well, I'm having none of that. I want the thing out of my chest, for many reasons, including the fact that it represents 24 weeks of not-so-fun times that I just went through. So what if I might have to get an infusion every three months? Give me a damn IV. My veins are just fine.

I have decided against participating in the research study that I looked at last week. I want to get the Zoladex shot and don't want to take the chance that I might be randomized into an arm that doesn't include it. However, at this point I have to wait and see if my ovarian function resumes before they will start giving me the shot. That means getting my estrogen levels checked every couple of months and/or getting a period. I haven't had one since May and I certainly haven't missed it! One of the things that has to be watched carefully with the Zoladex is the potential of bone loss. There is another study that looks at three bisophosphonates which are drugs that help prevent bone loss. One of the drugs is Boniva and another is Zometa. Zometa is given via IV every month for 2 years, but still not worth keeping the port!

A week out from the last chemo infusion and I'm still feeling like I'm getting treatment. Last weekend was hard from the standpoint of not having any energy and still feeling very weak. I'm hoping by the end of the week to have a noticeable difference in my energy level. I'm also still dealing with constant eye watering, blood clots in my nose, and my nails are not done wreaking havoc on themselves. Also, my legs and ankles are still swollen from "capillary leakage." Gotta love that. I'm wearing my Crocs today because my ankles and the tops of my feet are too swollen for regular shoes.

So I've been getting to know my vet very well lately. Not only was Mea's eye injured by her sister.. she is all better after a few days of eye ointment (fun!), but Kitten is going in tomorrow for surgery. She has a skin cancer on her neck and an abscessed tooth. Those will both be removed and she'll get a dental cleaning as well. Kitten is 19 this month, but she is healthy. Her heart and lungs are strong and she's not suffering from kidney disease like a lot of old kitties. I'm pretty pragmatic when it comes to what I'm willing to do to prolong the life of an older cat. I wouldn't do something major that would impact the quality of her life in order to eke out another year or two. But, if by doing this surgery her quality of life gets better and we don't have to do anything else, then I'm all for it. I am also taking Zusa in tomorrow when I drop Kitten off. Over the weekend she started limping when she got up from lying down. Her left shoulder seems very stiff and I think she needs some anti-inflammatories. I suppose I should mention that Kira is just fine and doesn't need to go to the vet at all :)



I have completed 99% of my Christmas shopping. I haven't got anything for my Dad yet. I did all of my shopping online this year which made it easy. Over the weekend I also got everything wrapped. I guess I got tired of the boxes all piled up in the living room. Of course, now there are gift bags, but at least it's done.

I have also done a lot of shopping for me recently. All of this weight loss has been great, but I have no clothes that fit. I've been pretty successful shopping online for clothes. Only one or two things haven't worked out.

I have to say though that the amount on my credit card is quite scary. I have been putting off looking at it, but I finally did yesterday. The nice thing is that I have a sweet check coming from Aflac this week and I will be able to pay it all off.

Phase 3

I met with my oncologist today for a check-up and to discuss the next step in the regimen. She talked to me about tamoxifin and all of the risks and benefits of taking it. We talked about whether it would be beneficial to stop estrogen production all together for the next 5 years. The research has shown that young women with aggressive breast cancer (that's me) have less likely recurrence of cancer than taking tamoxifin alone. Her recommendation is that I get this shot for the next 5 years.

There is an ongoing research study that compares tamoxifin to tamoxifin plus a shot to stop estrogen production. The study is randomized though, so I have chance of ending up in the tamoxifin only group. The research coordinator is going to email me the protocol and consent form so I can review them, but I'm not sure I want to risk being put in that group. There's nothing wrong with taking tamoxifin by itself, it is considered the "gold standard" of care, but I sure as hell don't want to go through this crap again and I'm willing to do what I can to avoid recurrence.

I'm so glad that I don't have to go back to SCCA until January!

Oh, and I have to share.. I just recieved these scarves that I ordered as an end of chemo present to myself. So pretty!

Weeks 23 and 24

Well, I can't believe it.. I'm done with chemo! I'm very happy about that. Things were getting to the point where I was getting so burned out on going to SCCA every week that I was ready to snap someone's head off.

During the second to last week, I was having a lot of frustration and anger towards my oncologist and case manager. Instead of letting the anger go so I could approach my issues more rationally, I was feeling very emotional about them. Because of this, I met with the chaplain and told her what my issues were and that I just needed to let them go and get back to Center. She was really wonderful in helping me do just that. Now I feel like I can approach my oncologist about my biggest concern (not diagnosing a potentially serious side-effect at my follow-up visit and that the case manager is not tracking these trends) calmly and without being accusatory. I realize they are short-staffed in this area, but that is not an excuse for letting patient safety issues slide.

All of this is part of the reason why I refuse to go back to SCCA for the rest of the month after tomorrow's follow-up appointment.

On my last day, which was last Friday, I was fasting before my labs were drawn and I had forgotton that I wasn't coming in at 7:00, but at 11:30!! I got in early and then had a nice lunch at the little cafe. I have to say, they make a super yummy mushroom/cheese/potato soup. In celebration, I wore my "Hey Cancer!" t-shirt, which didn't make it easy for the lab tech, but I really didn't care!! At the end of my treatment, 5 or 6 of the nurses and tech staff came in and put on funny glasses and sang a funny song all while blowing bubbles. They took a picture of me and Jane, which is hilarious because the bubbles are going everywhere.



One of the questions that I need to bring up on Friday with my oncologist is when the port will be removed. I find it odd that no one has mentioned removing it (another little bit of frustration) and I have a feeling that if I don't mention it, she won't either. I might not say anything and just see what happens. I can always "suddenly remember" in an email to her later. One thing is for sure.. I'm not doing anything about it until January!

I met with the radiation oncologist Monday to start that process. They wanted me to come in tomorrow to do a simulation under CT, but I've put that off until January as well. That's mostly for insurance reasons.. I want to be sure I use up all of my out-of-pocket co-insurance for next year. A two-week delay in treatment isn't going to matter in the grand scheme of things. The daily grind of radiation is sort of looming over me like a black cloud.. that is going to be hard for me. But the radiation tunnel is much shorter than the chemo tunnel, even if there are more treatments.

On Thanksgiving my brother and I posed as twins for pictures. Ha!

Week 22

Almost at the end! I can't believe it. The past 6 months have gone so fast, yet so incredibly slow at the same time.

The good news is that my hematocrit went up 4 points to 32% after taking last week off. I was able actually walk and breathe at the same time last week. It was amazing to feel good (at least in that respect).

I didn't get much of a dose reduction.. only 10%. They did some weird reduction in the numbers they use to calculate the dosage, so it might actually be more than 10%, but looking at the actual dosage difference, it's only 10%. I have to say that I don't think that's going to do much as far as alleviating some of my worst symptoms (anemia, neuropathy). Already I'm feeling more short of breath when walking short distances.

The newest issue is "capillary leakage." I've gained 12 pounds in excess fluid in my lower legs and ankles. I was put on a diuretic Friday, which is certainly making me pee more.

Ok, so anemia, neuropathy and now edema. Good times. Not to mention the constant eye watering and the nail issue. Speaking of which, I had to cut off another nail on one of my toes over the weekend.

I have to say, I'm getting a little annoyed with my oncology team. First of all, my oncologist has never talked to me about this 30 pound weight loss and then sudden 10 pound weight gain. I mean, shouldn't she have checked out my legs at my last appointment on 10/31? It was the infusion nurse who took the time to ask me questions about my water intake, how much I was peeing, whether my ankles were swollen, etc. She diagnosed the issue and then called my oncology nurse to say that I needed a diuretic.

When my oncology nurse called me later in the day to discuss the diuretic, I asked her if I needed to stop taking any of my other medications. She admitted that they aren't really very good at medication managment and told me to contact my family doctor about it. No one has told me how often I will need to come in for blood tests after the chemo is finished. I am on a very low dose of this medication and it's going to take awhile for all of the fluid to go away. This medicaiton tends to remove potassium and that has to be checked regularly. My family doctor also said my blood sugar has to be monitored regularly as well.

What's more, when I asked the oncology nurse who would be handling the long term management of the medication I'm taking for hot flashes, she said they should go away after chemo. Really? That's funny because my oncologist told me that taking the tamoxifan (which I will be doing for 5 years) will put me into menopause. Furthermore, I was already experiencing peri-menopause symptoms for 2 years before I was diagnosed, including hot flashes. I can no longer take the supplements I was using for them because they contain plant-based estrogens and the just isn't enough research to show whether or not they could contribute to a recurrence they way taking hormone pills would. So, I'm stuck taking a nerve medicine that for some reason reduces hot flashes as well.

It's all very frustrating, and I'm going to have a lot to talk about with my oncologist at my next visit!

Week 21

No chemo this week!

It's really hard to say if taking a week off has made an improvement in how I feel. Working a full week has taken its own toll, so I think it's pretty much a wash. By Friday night, I was wiped out and fell asleep on the couch while trying to watch last week's CSI on the DVR. On Saturday I had an eye appointment in Olympia that I was dreading.. not because of the appointment, but I was so weak and wobbly that I wasn't sure I would even make it. I was in bed by 7:00 and even forgot to feed the dog her dinner :(

I felt much more recovered on Sunday. My mom came over and did some cleaning and laundry and my sister picked up some things at the store for me.

I've noticed more intense tingling in the tips of my fingers on both hands. I had a hard time putting in my earrings this morning. This could be a deal-breaker as far as chemo this week. We'll see.

I have tomorrow off, so hopefully I won't be as wiped out this week as I was last week.

Mmmm.. Gummi Bears

I wandered to the dental office across the hall from my office this morning to get some ideas of how to deal with my swelling gums and bleeding when I brush my teeth. It turned into an exam, a new dentist and some dental products that should help and give me some relief.

My breathing feels a little better today.. I guess that makes sense - it's Thursday. I feel better just in time for another round of chemo. I'm glad I made the decision to not get chemo this week and hopefully I can build up some strength to get me through the final 3 weeks.

I realized last night that I will have to do all of my Christmas shopping online this year. I'm not going to trust that my red blood cells will miraculously multiply as soon as I'm done with chemo and give me enough energy and strength for that kind of shopping. I've put out requests for Christmas lists to my family so I can get started.

Some people have mentioned that I should have a "no more chemo" party when I'm done with chemo. I think I'm going to wait until I'm done with all my treatments and have a "no more treatment" party instead. Or maybe it will be an "I'm in remission" party. Either way, waiting until next spring makes more sense to me. I can't fathom having a party right now, and with it being holiday season.. it's just too much!

A change in the plan

I had a very bad night earlier this week when my cat decided to bolt from the living room to the bedroom and used my sore and explosed toe as part of her pathway. It was the last straw in a day where I was really struggling to breathe and just do the things I needed to do. And trust me, I don't do more than what I absolutely have to!

I had a good cry and then felt better, but was still upset enough to want to call off chemo all together, and would of if it hadn't been so late in the day.

The next day I called the research coordinator and told her that I needed a break this week from chemo, AND that I wanted a dose-reduction for the final 3 weeks. Hopefully this plan will negate the need for another blood transfusion.

Yesterday I used the Dial-A-Ride system here for the first time. It worked out really well, even though I had to cross the street (on a pedestrian bridge over the street) to the Health Sciences building for a class.

Now that I have the disability placard for my car, I've been driving to work every day. It's so much easier on me physically than taking the bus. I'm able to park in one of the handicapped spaces in my building. And since my sister is back at work (reluctantly) after her maternity leave, we are carpooling again, so that makes driving even easier.

Good news regarding my toe and thumb.. they have finally healed on the surface and I don't have to wear the bandaids anymore.

Week 20

My hct keeps going down. It was 28 on Friday. I saw my oncologist on Friday and there was lots of talk about dose-reduction, or skipping a dose. Ultimately, it was decided to give me the regular dose per the study protocol. Since the darbopoetin shot does not seem to be doing any good, they increased that dose by 25%. That is a very painful shot!

I am really feeling the effects of the anemia now. It was a hard weekend, but again, my sister pulled through and did a bunch of shopping for me. I've been talking with my oncology nurse about skipping this week's chemo... I know my hct is just going to keep dropping. I am skeptical that skipping a dose and doing a dose reduction will make much of a difference in the grand scheme of my anemia, since it takes so long for red blood cells to reproduce. My nurse told me that "it usually has a profound effect." However, I have bucked all the "usuals" with Abraxane. I feel like I am suffering more now than I did over the summer. Although, my doctor is pretty adament that the anemia itself is a result of the previous chemo. The fact that I'm still getting chemo, certainly isn't helping things. I have a call into the research coordinator to disuss this dose-reduction further. My doctor did say that she would prefer to go this route than do another transfusion. I don't really care, as long as it works!

After the chemo infusion on Friday, I went to Ballard to the auto licensing place and got a temporary disability parking placard. I've also been in contact with the disability services office at the UW about using the Dial-A-Ride service to get to the hospital instead of taking the shuttle. Dial-A-Ride will pick me up right outside my building and I don't have to walk those 3 blocks to the shuttle stop.

There is a possibility that Aflac is not going to pay me for this round of chemo. My policy states that they will pay for each chemo treatment that has a cost associated with it. SCCA is getting my chemo at no charge because it's a research study. However, there is still a cost associated with getting the chemo into me.. the infusion, etc. So hopefully that will work out. There is also a provision for investigational treatments, although I'm not sure this falls under that guideline. I just have to submit everything and then see what happens and take it from there.

Week 19

Baby Ben came over today with his mom and grandma to do some housework for me. Dishes, vacuuming, laundry and dusting got done today. I really need to think of something nice for my sister when this is all over because she is just awesome.

This has been another really hard week with side-effects. My hands and feet are becoming neuropathic and it's difficult to write and do anything that requires fine motor skills. My eyes are watering constantly and the skin under my right eye is getting irritated. The big issue though is this weakness I've been experiencing since about mid-week. My shortness of breath is better only because I am now forced to move extremely slow. My knees feel like they are going to give out on me and my thighs and arms just feel like jello.

I'm not sure what I am going to do about work. I mean, I can work, but getting there is an issue. Unfortunately it's not work I can do at home. I just need to decide if I'm going to take the bus or drive. Tomorrow I'm going to ask my doctor about getting a temporary handicapped parking placard. I probably should have done this a few weeks ago, since the state is slow about these things, but I wasn't expecting this weakness and I figured the anemia was going to get better after the transfusion. Speaking of which, my hematocrit dropped another point this week to 29.

On Friday while I was in infusion, the oncology PA came down to look at my nails. She was going to cut back my right thumb nail, but instead of lifting it off the nail bed, she just tried to jump right in, which of course hurt. Later, at work, I managed to get most of the nail off with my little clippers. There was a little bit of pus in the nail bed, so I've been putting silver gel on it with a bandaid and it's healing nicely. Both the PA and my infusion nurse suggested I get some extra sleep this weekend, so I did take some ambien Friday night and slept almost 12 hours and after I was up for a couple hours, took another 4 hour nap. It was a bit harder to get to sleep last night, but I did manage about 9 1/2 hours. I'm pretty wiped out for the little bit of housework I've done today and will most likely nap after (or during) the Seahawks game. Go Seahawks!! (please win!)

Here's another picture of Ben.. He's just so freakin' cute and he's seriously stylin' today!

Week 18

My hematocrit keeps climbing, but I've yet to feel the effects. I'm still huffing and puffing my way through the day. My supervisor at the medical center found me some office space to work from when I need to, so I can just take the bus directly there and I don't have to worry about the shuttle. What I didn't take into account is that the street level is below the hospital entrance, so I have to do a bit of climbing. Yesterday I went up the stairs kind of fast because it was raining. When I got to the top, I had to sit down for about 5 minutes to get my breath back. By the time I got to the office area, I would get out of breath just walking across the office. I ended up going home at 12:30 and spending the rest of the day napping an in bed with my new humidifier on.

It probably didn't help that on Saturday, I attempted shopping. It did not go well. By the time I was at the checkout, it was hard to stand up. Thankfully my sister was with me and she carried all my groceries and even put the cold stuff in the fridge.

On Sunday I managed to accomplish something that has needed to be done for awhile, but I probably should not have done it alone.. that was to turn my mattress and change the sheets on the bed. I also had to "de-hair" my comforter, for all the good it did me:



It's great to have clean sheets, but I really paid for it on Monday and even today a little bit.

Besides my almost constant out-of-breath state, there are other annoying things going on:

I'm definitely starting to feel the numbness in my hands. It's very difficult for me to write. They hurt and feel tight and weird. I'm already on gabapentin for hot flashes and my guess is that after I talk to my doctor, I'll be seriously increasing the dosage.

It's very sad that when I blow my nose, I don't even notice anymore that it's all basically blood clots. My mucous membranes are so dry in my mouth and nose! My expensive ultrasonic humidifier with a silver strip to keep the bacteria at bay arrived on Friday and I think it's starting to help a little at night.. I'm not so stuffed up.

My fingernails. Probably the grossest thing so far... both my thumb nails are thoroughly discolored and now have fluid between the nail and the nailbed. They are smelly and gross. I have to soak them in this astringent mix a couple times a day. The nail on my right thumb is loose all the way to the quick (eewww) and on Friday, someone is going to cut it all the way back (yikes!). Today I cut it about halfway up, just to where the nailbed starts getting raw. I have to wear a band-aid all the time so it doesn't catch on anything. Plus, they hurt because the nails are flattening out. My other fingernails are in various stages, but aren't even close to as bad as my thumb nails. My toenails are starting to hurt, and I'm sure I'll be going through this with my feet soon. Hooray.

I'm 3/4 of the way through. 6 more weeks. I can hardly stand it.

Oh, the Weakness

As part of my job, I have to go over to the UW Medical Center to audit research regulatory and subject binders. Although there is a very good system for getting there (a free shuttle 3 blocks away), I have been dreading the trip for the past couple weeks because the anemia makes it hard to walk very far. In addition to getting to the shuttle, it's a bit of a walk to the department I have to go to. Yesterday, I made the trip for the first time since I've been back to work. I was doing pretty good after I got to the department.. the research coordinator had all of the binders spread out in the conference room, so I didn't have to do too much lifting and carrying. However, after a couple hours, we had to vacate the conference room and I moved to a desk. This meant that every time I needed a different binder I had to go get it and lug it back. These are not small binders... many of them are 6" wide. After I was done, I had to walk back to the shuttle and by the time I got off the bus, the 2 blocks that were on a slight incline seemed like a steep hill. It was a long, slow, painful process and I still haven't fully recovered. My sister, bless her, got me dinner last night. I wasn't sure what the morning would bring, and although I was tired, I felt ok. I was supposed to go back to the medical center today, but my legs feel so weak when I get up to walk, that I've decided to wait until tomorrow. I have to be over there tomorrow anyway for my genetic counseling appointment.

In other news, my thumbnails are starting to get fluid under them and they are loosening up. I've also got some mild neuropathy in my hands. Hooray for the weird chemo side-effects.

Week 16

Well this has not been the best time. I had a horrible weekend, unable to get up off the couch or out of bed without being seriously short of breath. My hct on Friday was 26. They ran some tests to make sure I don't have any clots, which I don't, so all my symptoms are from the anemia. My doctor called me at 4:30 on Friday to say I could get a blood transfusion if I wanted to.

I went in yesterday for the transfusion. 2 units took 4 1/2 hours to infuse, so it was a long day. Today I feel about 50% better than yesterday. My doctor says the anemia is a side-effect from the AC and it's just going to take time for my red blood cells to re-build themselves. The Abraxane (that I'm on now) isn't shown to cause anemia the way the Adriamycin does. Hopefully this transfusion will give my cells a little jump start to get busy!

I was going to go into work today, but I'm pretty dizzy and shaky... my body is getting used to all that extra fluid. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to work tomorrow. In the meantime I'm drinking electrolyte water and eating protein and hoping this shakiness goes away.

Week 15

Last week was quite difficult, dealing with the effects of anemia. It's been very difficult to change how I do things in order to accomodate a lowered amount of oxygen in my body. I kept having to tell myself, "slow down, walk slower" which was a huge pain! At the parking garage where I park to catch the bus, I had to take the elevator DOWN. All these little things that you don't think about until you are forced to.

My labs on Friday still show my red blood cell levels dropping, with a hct of 27 and hgb of 9.2. If my hct gets to 25 we start talking blood transfusion. I'm confident, though, that my levels will be up this week. Today is the 10th day since I got the shot of darbo to increase my red blood cell production. Since red blood cells take 10 days to die and regenerate, I should start feeling better this week. I really hit a low point on Saturday though. I was very short of breath and quite dizzy when standing. It was hard to catch my breath even when sitting or lying down. By Sunday I was feeling better and today is even better than yesterday. This morning I had to get off the bus a block early due to a car accident and I managed to walk at a fairly normal pace to the cash machine and the coffee shop before going into my building, probably about 3 1/2 blocks all together, without getting too winded.

On Saturday I was supposed to go to Kitchen 2 Kitchen to make meals with my friend, but there was no way I could make it. She managed to do all of my meals as well as hers with the help of another friend and the owner, for which I am extremely grateful. I've been eating frozen dinners because I don't have the energy to cook, so this will be much healthier and better tasting! After the meals were dropped off, my step-mom came over and vacuumed for me and my sister did poop patrol in my yard. My brother-in-law even brought me some chicken pad thai for dinner. Despite the bad day I was having, it was wonderful to have a lot of help.

On Sunday my step-mom and dad came over and did some more cleaning and poop patrol (they brought their dog) and generally just hung out. It was nice to have them over and just have some company for awhile.

Today I'm back at work and feeling much better. I was going to talk to my boss about working 3 days this week and doing some work from home, but now I'm not sure I will need to. I think I'll bring it up as an "as-needed" thing, just in case my bubble bursts tomorrow.

When I walked past this car accident this morning, there was a mini-van on it's side. I have to wonder, how does this happen on a city street? I can understand it on the freeway or a rural road, but on a city street? I don't get it. Maybe it was t-boned, but it wasn't in the middle of the intersection. Weird.

Week 14

This is my 2nd dose of Abraxane. My labs show that I am anemic.. my hematocrit is 29 and hemoglobin is 9.7, so I got a shot of darbypoetin to boost red blood cell production. It takes awhile though... a couple weeks. In the meantime, I have all the wonderful symptoms of anemia: shortness of breath, rapid heart rate, dizziness and of course, fatigue. My iron levels are fine though, and as of now I don't need anymore iron sucrose.

I've also noticed that with the Abraxane, I don't have a huge appetite. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but with the anemia it's important that I eat, so I end up forcing myself to eat sometimes, which is no fun!

I took a couple pictures on Friday, one of my IV bag and one of me getting the juice:

Back to work and a night in hell

So far I have completed one dose of the Abraxane. I was doing very well until last night when I started getting severe muscle pains in my feet and legs. Add that to the 3-hour hot flash I went through and kitty antics that involved puking 3 times and knocking over a vase, well I just didn't get much sleep last night. Oh, and today is my first day back at work!

Yeah. It's going great.

Since I wasn't sure about the pain, I ended up taking a pain pill, a muscle relaxer and some Aleve, just to cover all of my bases. I had an email conversation with my oncology nurse this morning who explained that muscle and joint pain is a side-effect of Abraxane and to take 2 Aleve twice a day. She also said that the pain should diminish over time as I get more of the Abraxane. That doesn't quite make sense to me, but I sure hope she's right! This weird stabbing pain in various places of my body all day long is driving me a little bit crazy. The Aleve isn't taking the pain away completely, but it is damping it down a bit.

Other than that, I'm doing pretty good. I'm so glad to be done with the Adriamycin! Now that I've gone more than a week without it, I have noticed some of the side-effects are fading away. My biggest issue today is trying to stay awake after my crazy night.

I'm half-way there!

I finished up my last dose of AC on Friday. YAY! I felt so good and energized yesterday after my appointment. My best friend and I even went out to dinner to celebrate.

This morning when I got my pills out, I almost cried. No more chemo pills! WOW.. it's hard to put into words what that feels like. Every morning I stared down at those 3 blue pills, not wanting to put them in my mouth and swallow them. Today, there are no blue pills! My energy level just spiked at that :)



Next Friday I start Abraxane, which is much easier on the body than the AC. I also go back to work a week from Monday. In order to get ready, I'm going to spend next week pretending I'm going to work. My plan is to shower every night and get up at my normal work time and get "ready" every morning. I also plan to leave the house every day and not take any naps. My sister and I are going to start walking every day too. Hopefully, by the time the 15th rolls and I put in a full work week, I won't be too drained and exhausted.

Week 10

Well, I'm a little behind in my blogging. Actually, I haven't had much to say. Since I stopped working, my life has been sleeping and watching TV. Not very exciting. A few bad days here and there, with nausea (but no vomiting). Mostly, just fatigue and very low energy. Also, I have been isolating a bit, not wanting to talk much just generally not wanting to be the person with cancer, going through chemo. I'm sure some of you know what I'm talking about.

I've been getting acupuncture on a weekly basis, which has helped a little with the fatigue, but mostly with the accompanying "fogginess." Weekly massage therapy is really helping with all of the aches and pains from all of the sleeping.

I'm almost done with the AC, only 2 more treatments to go. That also means I go back to work soon. As I recall, I had 2 goals, well 3 really while I was off work: clean out the garage, unpack the 2nd bedroom and catch up on some work that I owe my boss so that I go back to work without owing any hours. So far I've done is the garage. I've done a little bit of work, but I don't know that I will get it all made up before September 15 (return to work day) and I haven't touched the 2nd bedroom, but it's on my list for today.

What really prompted me to work on the garage was that I got a dog this past week. I found her at the humane society and she is very sweet. Her name is Zusa and she's an 8 year old golden retriever mix.



That's it for now. I hope you all are hanging in there.

A major decision

After staying home 4 our of 5 days this past week with vomiting, diarrhea and low level nausea, I have made the decision to go on medical disability leave for 8 weeks until I'm done with the AC.

I've completed 5 treatments now, with 7 more to go and the side-effects are only going to get worse. My boss is very accommodating and understanding and she was in complete agreement. Plus, she doesn't have to pay me. LOL. Seriously though, I just started this job in March and I've used almost every hour of leave I have. In order to keep my medical and other benefits, I have to either work 8 hours or use 8 hours of leave time in a month. This will only affect August and I will have enough leave that I earned in July.

As far as money, I am incredibly grateful that I got the Aflac cancer policy last year. Not only has it helped by paying me for various treatments I've received, I also signed up for short-term disability. The only unfortunate thing is that I did not change my income level with Aflac when I changed jobs, so the amount I get is a little low. But, between that and the payments I receive for going through chemo and other things, I will get enough to cover what my paychecks would be.

In other news, my friend came over last night and shaved me head completely bald! No pictures yet though.

Oh, and in other OTHER news, there is a break in the sewer line leading from my house to the street so I am without a bathroom until they get the damn thing fixed! Argh!!

It's time to shave my head!

I have an appointment scheduled on Saturday to get my head shaved. It's none too soon, since today I have started to "shed." No clumps yet, just hair coming out very easily whenever I touch it.

I'm kind of looking forward to getting it done and over with. If ever there was a time to get your head shaved, the middle of summer would be it.

The down side is that it's screaming to the world, "Hey! I have cancer and I'm going through chemo!" I realize there are other reasons that women are bald, but I'm pretty sure the first thing that pops into people's head is "CANCER." So, taking the bus to work should be interesting to say the least. Now I'm going to be the one that people covertly stare at.

It's all right though. It really is. I've got other things on my mind and I have stopped worrying about what people think about me. After all, what you think of me is none of my business!