The end of treatment and other happenings

I've been putting off writing this entry. First, radiation was a grind and I just wasn't up to it. But also, I am finally done with treatment and I don't know if I will be blogging here anymore. Much has happened in the month of March. Radiation ended on March 6. The last two weeks were pretty hard... lots of fatigue in the afternoons. I started getting some skin breakdown the last week and the week after I finished. That took another week to clear up. Other than being a little swollend and darker in tone, my skin is now doing great.

I was thinking that after radiation ended and my skin cleared up, I would start coming down sick. I didn't though, and soon enough found out why my body wasn't ready to get out of fighting mode. I had three deaths in my family in March. My grandma died the last week of radiation. My step-dad died just over two weeks ago and one of my uncles died last week.

My grandma was diagnosed with endometrial cancer not too long ago. It was too advanced for surgery and she opted not to receive any treatment. She was a great lady, who taught me how to crochet just last summer. I will always treasure the afghan she made for me a few years ago. I didn't know my uncle, but I feel very bad for my cousins and my aunt, because I know what it feels like to lose a father unexpectedly. It was an extra blow to an already stressful month.

My step-dad died in his sleep on March 18. He was ill, having been home from the hosptial for about a month, but we weren't expecting his death. I was at work when my mom called me and immediately left to go to her. His family came up from California and were really great. Did all the cooking and food preparations for when everyone came over after the memorial. It was a hard week, and coming back to work the day after the memorial wasn't easy either. Wayne taught me a lot... about having a good sense of humor and being nice to people. It was a joy to be around him because he was always laughing and in good spirits, even when he wasn't feeling well.

My brother wrote a really beautiful poem to his dad that we used in the program:

A father, brother, husband, and son

A coach, teammate, and soldier

You were generous and humble

larger than life and grounded in reality

you were strong, and you were brave

and when your strength was challenged

when life dealt you a few weak cards

you wore a smile, you persevered

and now, you can rest..

We miss your laughter

your stories, your companionship

you've touched so many lives

and we take with us your life lessons learned

and hold them dear with your memory

we miss you, and thank you

and we all love you

as much as you loved us







As much as that time was so difficult, I actually had something to look forward to. I was signed up for a 3-day cancer retreat at Harmony Hill the last weekend in March. I deliberated whether or not to go... I wasn't sure I would be able to concentrate on the task at hand. But, I did go and it was an amazing experience. Not only was I able to talk about cancer and the challenges of the past year and of those ahead, but I was also able to express my grief and lean on my new friends' shoulders. It was a wonderful three days of good, wholesome, organic, vegetarian food and not having to worry about or do anything. We did yoga and meditation and breath work and walked the labrynth, and I met some people who are truly amazing. I feel so blessed that I was able to experience the weekend and learn and grow from it.

Now that treatment is complete, I'm determined to do some reconditioning. I am starting a yoga class next week (with the instructor from the retreat) and I will be utilizing the personal training service at my physical therapy office for "athletic engineering." It's basically a physical-training program that will be geared for post-rehab patients. After that, I'm not sure, but I am determined to be in a better place by the end of the year as far as my physical, mental and emotional health goes.

I plan to pick up my "before cancer" blog, and if anyone wants to follow me there, you can do so at http://lunajewels.livejournal.com/ It's a "friends only" journal, so you would have to become a member of livejournal to read it.

Stress

I am in my 3rd week of radiation. It's going well so far (after the horrible first day). My skin is rather pink and it's warm all the time. I am hoping it doesn't burn too bad.

Lots going on though that is stressing me out. Besides the radiation (obviously, being a daily event), my step-dad has been in the hospital for a couple weeks and just had surgery, my grandma just found out she has cancer, and my supervisor (the person who hired me and gave me all of the support I needed to switch jobs while undergoing treatment) just got laid off.

I've had an upset stomach off and on for a couple weeks and headaches with neck tension. Haven't had a headache in a really long time.

I'm hoping everything will be ok. I'm sending good vibes to my family and former boss. And, I'm back on the anti-nausea/anxiety pills to hopefully calm down my stomach.

Week 19

Baby Ben came over today with his mom and grandma to do some housework for me. Dishes, vacuuming, laundry and dusting got done today. I really need to think of something nice for my sister when this is all over because she is just awesome.

This has been another really hard week with side-effects. My hands and feet are becoming neuropathic and it's difficult to write and do anything that requires fine motor skills. My eyes are watering constantly and the skin under my right eye is getting irritated. The big issue though is this weakness I've been experiencing since about mid-week. My shortness of breath is better only because I am now forced to move extremely slow. My knees feel like they are going to give out on me and my thighs and arms just feel like jello.

I'm not sure what I am going to do about work. I mean, I can work, but getting there is an issue. Unfortunately it's not work I can do at home. I just need to decide if I'm going to take the bus or drive. Tomorrow I'm going to ask my doctor about getting a temporary handicapped parking placard. I probably should have done this a few weeks ago, since the state is slow about these things, but I wasn't expecting this weakness and I figured the anemia was going to get better after the transfusion. Speaking of which, my hematocrit dropped another point this week to 29.

On Friday while I was in infusion, the oncology PA came down to look at my nails. She was going to cut back my right thumb nail, but instead of lifting it off the nail bed, she just tried to jump right in, which of course hurt. Later, at work, I managed to get most of the nail off with my little clippers. There was a little bit of pus in the nail bed, so I've been putting silver gel on it with a bandaid and it's healing nicely. Both the PA and my infusion nurse suggested I get some extra sleep this weekend, so I did take some ambien Friday night and slept almost 12 hours and after I was up for a couple hours, took another 4 hour nap. It was a bit harder to get to sleep last night, but I did manage about 9 1/2 hours. I'm pretty wiped out for the little bit of housework I've done today and will most likely nap after (or during) the Seahawks game. Go Seahawks!! (please win!)

Here's another picture of Ben.. He's just so freakin' cute and he's seriously stylin' today!

Baby Ben!

Benjamin was born via c-section 7/15/08 at 11:03 pm. He weighs in at 10 pounds, 8 ounces! Mom and baby are both healthy and happy and very tired.