I was thinking that after radiation ended and my skin cleared up, I would start coming down sick. I didn't though, and soon enough found out why my body wasn't ready to get out of fighting mode. I had three deaths in my family in March. My grandma died the last week of radiation. My step-dad died just over two weeks ago and one of my uncles died last week.
My grandma was diagnosed with endometrial cancer not too long ago. It was too advanced for surgery and she opted not to receive any treatment. She was a great lady, who taught me how to crochet just last summer. I will always treasure the afghan she made for me a few years ago. I didn't know my uncle, but I feel very bad for my cousins and my aunt, because I know what it feels like to lose a father unexpectedly. It was an extra blow to an already stressful month.
My step-dad died in his sleep on March 18. He was ill, having been home from the hosptial for about a month, but we weren't expecting his death. I was at work when my mom called me and immediately left to go to her. His family came up from California and were really great. Did all the cooking and food preparations for when everyone came over after the memorial. It was a hard week, and coming back to work the day after the memorial wasn't easy either. Wayne taught me a lot... about having a good sense of humor and being nice to people. It was a joy to be around him because he was always laughing and in good spirits, even when he wasn't feeling well.
My brother wrote a really beautiful poem to his dad that we used in the program:
A father, brother, husband, and son
A coach, teammate, and soldier
You were generous and humble
larger than life and grounded in reality
you were strong, and you were brave
and when your strength was challenged
when life dealt you a few weak cards
you wore a smile, you persevered
and now, you can rest..
We miss your laughter
your stories, your companionship
you've touched so many lives
and we take with us your life lessons learned
and hold them dear with your memory
we miss you, and thank you
and we all love you
as much as you loved us
As much as that time was so difficult, I actually had something to look forward to. I was signed up for a 3-day cancer retreat at Harmony Hill the last weekend in March. I deliberated whether or not to go... I wasn't sure I would be able to concentrate on the task at hand. But, I did go and it was an amazing experience. Not only was I able to talk about cancer and the challenges of the past year and of those ahead, but I was also able to express my grief and lean on my new friends' shoulders. It was a wonderful three days of good, wholesome, organic, vegetarian food and not having to worry about or do anything. We did yoga and meditation and breath work and walked the labrynth, and I met some people who are truly amazing. I feel so blessed that I was able to experience the weekend and learn and grow from it.
Now that treatment is complete, I'm determined to do some reconditioning. I am starting a yoga class next week (with the instructor from the retreat) and I will be utilizing the personal training service at my physical therapy office for "athletic engineering." It's basically a physical-training program that will be geared for post-rehab patients. After that, I'm not sure, but I am determined to be in a better place by the end of the year as far as my physical, mental and emotional health goes.
I plan to pick up my "before cancer" blog, and if anyone wants to follow me there, you can do so at http://lunajewels.livejournal.com/ It's a "friends only" journal, so you would have to become a member of livejournal to read it.
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