I did not need this today!

There was a Dept of Surgery staff meeting today, and the purpose was to show off the new surgical and OR simulation center. It all would have been really great if I wasn't actually scheduled for surgery in a few weeks. I really, really did not need to see a breathing tube insterted into a patient, his heart stop beating and then have to be shocked back to life. It's not like I was watching a video. I was in the OR room!! The patients are very lifelike.. they breathe, have heartbeats, talk and blink their eyes. By the time we got back to the lecture room, I was practically in tears. Then to top it off, during the lecture I was informed that there are 100,000 deaths per year attributed to miscommunication in the operating room.

When I got on the shuttle to go back to work, a bunch of people from Harborview were talking about all the things that can go wrong with the insertion of the breathing tube.. paralyzation of the vocal cords, etc. I put in my headphones and turned on my ipod. I feel better now, but I'm still really shaken by the whole thing.

Everybody keeps saying, "you'll be fine, you'll be fine" but I don't want to hear that right now. I think I need to talk to my doctor.. I don't know. I am not a happy camper right now.